One Year Later

It’s amazing how many things can change in the span of one year. Whether you think of it as one year, 12 months, 52 weeks or 365 days, every year seems to go faster than the last. The things you worried about and stressed out over last year probably seem pretty trivial now. The events that broke your heart 52 weeks ago have now faded and every moment you spent crying over it seems like a blur. People who were so important to you 365 days ago, ones that you couldn’t see yourself living without, are now just distant memories that fade in and out of your head when you sit too long by yourself. One year seems like such a long time and yet, it’s gone in a flash.

Today marks one year (and one day) since my very first post here on The City Lush. More importantly, today marks one year since my beautiful mother passed away from breast cancer. This past week leading up to today has been so surreal, I can’t even explain it. Everything still feels so fresh, like it happened just yesterday, but the wounds are healing and the pain, while still there every single day, is starting to subside enough to let me breathe. I still miss her so incredibly much, but she’s still here for me when I need her the most.

My middle sister is a splitting image of my mother and she’s the one they always called ‘her shadow’ or her mini-me. Growing up, I never felt like I had that kind of connection with my mom. To be honest, I still didn’t think I had a connection with her…until she got sick. In her final months, I created this blog and poured myself into it, with my first post going live the day before she passed away. Her death was the hardest thing I’ve had to go through and it hurt me so deeply that I disappeared from blogging and the internet for six months. It was taking all my energy and focus to get me and my family through each day, I didn’t have anything left to offer the rest of the world.

But for every day that I survived, it got a tiny bit easier and the pain started to fade. Six months after she passed, I made the decision to come back to the blog and resolved to start again. Initially, it was my way to still feel connected to her, by blogging about the things she loved and that I was just starting to get into. Now, this blog has become my passion; my little side-project that I devote all my spare time to (which I don’t have much of, by the way). A whole year later and here I am, still here holding onto our mutual loves of fashion and beauty.

I never really realized just how much I’m like my mom or how many things I do are exactly the way she did things. I work two jobs and long hours, just like she always had. I have my passion side project, which I spend all my spare time doing, just like she did. I horde makeup and brushes and clothes and shoes, just like she always did. I work hard to get the things I want, just like she always taught me to do. I know now that I’m more like her than I ever thought I would be.

So while today is technically one year (plus one day) since I started The City Lush, I’m not going to celebrate today as that. I’ll save that for June, which is when I posted my second post here. Today, I want to celebrate my mother and how she made me the woman that I am, even through her death. In her memory, I’m linking items below that a) she would have LOVED and b) support the fight against breast cancer by donating a portion of their profits to charities that work towards finding a cure and/or aids breast cancer patients/survivors with their fight. 

 

For anyone reading this and anyone that’s ever read/visited/commented/shared any of my posts, thank you for helping me keep my mother’s memory alive and giving me another reason to keep going. <3